An Ogre in Your Ear?

The Eiger is a massive mountain in Switzerland known for its dreaded North Face: a 1,800-metre sheer cliff of rock and ice. This giddying edifice has killed 64 people since 1938. Even its name has changed from Nordwand (North Wall) to Mordwand (Murderous Wall).

I am no climber, BASE jumper or wingsuit flyer, but the highest north face in all Europe on a mountain that derives its name from the word for “ogre” in German? That’s one terrifying crag.

Of course, I was nowhere near it, and neither was my ENT surgeon Dr John Steer.

He was using a delightful metaphor to describe the jumbled growth of swollen skin and bone that has all but sealed off the canal in my left ear.

This was his disconcerting description of the osteoma - a benign tumour of bone - that has been slowly growing from the sides of my ear canals for the last 40 years.

Surfers know the condition too well. Surfer’s Ear occurs when constant contact with cold water in the canal activates blood vessels in the lining that remain dilated for long periods of time, thus ‘tricking’ the bone into growing to protect the ear drum. Perhaps this is what they call “evolutionary morphing” toward an aquatic species?

The hearing in my left ear shut down in the holidays. After silly episodes of ear syringing, ear candles and Waxsol, the blockage would not clear. I must have gone through five double packets of those doff ear candles, later shown to me as a dodgy practice not far off a dangerous hoax that can worsen your ear problems.

I even tried to self-medicate using a syringe I bought at a pharmacy in Sedgefield. After a lot of hot water squirting, I gave up. Instead of clearing my ears, my middle ear became painful and infected. It swelled shut. I went deaf in one ear.

After weeks of muffled thuds and 'pardon' or 'excuse me' or 'what was that', the antibiotics and cortisone kicked in about a week ago. The world exploded back into life. I could hear! My family were chuffed that the grumpy ballie wasn’t hard of hearing any more.

And yet, only a pinprick of a gap connects my eardrum with the outside world: a mere 2% or so. The eardrum is so sensitive, you need only the tiniest of gaps for sound to reach the drum.

Sadly, Dr Steer says, when the swelling of an infected surfers' ear has settled down enough for the tiny gap to reopen - and hearing returns - the wussies among us run for the hills.

They’ve heard scary things about the operation: gaping holes where ears once were, shattered ear drums, deafness and unbearable pain as your suppurating ear chasm widens into the Kimberly Hole. If you think man flu begets a whiner, wait until surfers talk about this dreaded op.

Of course, the longer you leave it, the worse it gets. My right ear is marginally better. Dr Steer can just see the ear drum through a gap of about seven percent.

I have the North Face of the Eiger in my left ear, and the North Face of Table Mountain in my right. There’s no turning back. Surgery (for the left ear) has been scheduled for the beginning of March.

Don’t worry, says Doc, the modern diamond-tipped drills are much quieter these days, and much less inclined to cause permanent ringing or buzzing in the ear. Gulp.

We mostly use this, he says, carefully hauling out a long, thin stainless steel tool from its box, as a samurai might unsheathe his most noble blade. Gulp.

The 1mm point is bevelled like a tiny chisel. It looks like … er … a chisel. It is a chisel, he says. Gulp.

Using this osteotome bone-chisel, we will slowly, and very carefully chip away at the bone until the canal is open, he says. We will fold the skin forward to later use to cover the wound (for faster healing).

We will make an incision on the face-side of the ear for better access directly into the canal. The operation may take up to three hours, but only because the growth has been allowed to get so bad.

The operation is painstakingly slow because it’s extremely delicate. When you're gently tapping a little mallet to slowly slice away the bone, you have to err on the side of caution. It's a matter of millimetres, or less, especially towards the end as the surgeon (usually accompanied by a nursing sister and aneasthetist) nears the ear drum.

For the last stage, once the main growth has been cleared and sucked away, a plastic barrier is inserted and pushed against the drum - important when clearing away residual bone growth at the foot of the drum around the sides.

What about bleeding? Doesn't it clog up the area and make it hard to see what you're doing? Yes, sometimes, but they daub the wound with adrenaline, which instantly curbs blood flow.

Sounds scary? Of course it is. Do you really think after all those epic waves and beautiful moments in the big blue, we as surfers would get away with the Great Surfing Rock n Roll Swindle without some form of karmic payback?

But arm yourself with research. You will pass through phases. At first, you feel horrified, but over time as you accumulate knowledge, that gut-curdling fear is slowly pushed from your front sight - like a paranoid schizophrenic apparition - to the peripheries of your consciousness. It never leaves you, but you have it under control!

You have no choice. Don’t delay. Deal with it now.

Some ENT Surgeons (alphabetical order)

Cape Town

Gary Kroukamp, Kingsbury Hospital, Claremont garykroukamp@iafrica.com
John Steer, Prince Alfred House, Wynberg Village, john@drsteer.co.za
Martin Vanlierde, Milnerton Mediclinic, Vincent Pallotti voicebox@surgeon.co.za
Paul Crosland, Vincent Palotti, 021 531 1221
Philip Traub, Oranjezicht drtraub@medinet.co.za
Pieter Naude, Bellville info@entspecialist-capetown.co.za
Sharon Williams, C Barnard Memorial Hospital, Longmarket Street +27 21 422 2229

Knysna / Plett
Martin Young 044 382 0800 5 Hedge Street Knysna
Tienie Van Niekerk 044 873 3204 George Medi-Clinic George

East London
Claudio Favara 043 709 2159 Frere Hospital Amalinda Main Road
John James 043 722 4834 36 St James Road
Mark Richardson 043 743 9151 St Dominics Medical Suites

Port Elizabeth
Francois Retief 041 374 4238 Suite 405, St Georges Medical Pack Drive
Ian Ritter 041 363 2776 Suite 204, Greenacres Medical Centre
Robert Schemmer, 041 363 1993 Suite 207, Greenares Hospital
Tadeus Kokoszka 041 453 7409, Mercantile Hospital

KZN
Balu Chaithram 032 944 2996 Victoria Hospital Tongaat
Bijay Singh 031 309 4324 Durban Medical Centre
Brian Williams 031 265 0977 Westville Hospital
Bungar Naidoo 031 309 4402 Ascot Park Hopsital, Berea
Dawood Peer 031 309 3239 Durban Medical Centre
Etienne De Villiers 033 394 8466 Medical Centre Pietermaritzburg
Gavin Charlton 035 792 5569Garden Clinic Empangeni
Joby Jose 035 789 2082 The Bay Hospital Richards Bay
Kamal Mohan 033 394 0373 Pietermaritzburg
Kurt Schlemmer 031 768 8386 Hillcrest Private Hospital
Lionel Wolff 031 904 2464 Kingsway Medical Centre, Amanzimtoti
Louis Du Plessis 031 582 5095 Umhlanga Hospital, Umhlanga
Marize Viljoen 039 682 5090, Port Shepstone
Mike Du Toit Alberlito Hospital, Ballito
Mike King 031 202 3018 Chelmsford Medical Centre, Glenwood
Mohammed Thandar 031 201 0230 Room St Augustine'S Hospital, Chelmsford Road
Niven Singh 031 265 2879, Westville Hospital
Peter Tunguy-Desmarais 031 566 1781 303 Umhlanga Medical Centre
Peter Warren031 768 1862 Hillcrest Private Hospital
Pieter Berry 031 904 3884/5 Kingsway Hospital.
Salesh Srikewal 031 261 7373 ENT Centre, Life Entabeni Hosptial 25 Glenwood Drive
Shamlan Naidoo 031 581 2354 Ethekwini Hospital
Theo Grundlingh 031 768 2002 Hillcrest Private Hospital
Wojciech Zieciak 031 261 8086 148 South Ridge Road